


Seeds of Faith

by sweetjane



Category: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 03:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21154952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetjane/pseuds/sweetjane
Summary: Has it really been 2 years? I was just thinking about a certain Christmas album, and per usual my emotions started running wild! This is nothing spectacular, just my version of how "When I Was A Little Girl” came to be. :)





	Seeds of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Has it really been 2 years? I was just thinking about a certain Christmas album, and per usual my emotions started running wild! This is nothing spectacular, just my version of how "When I Was A Little Girl” came to be. :)

She wakes up to a slight chill in the air. It’s still dark, and one of those nights where you wake up for no apparent reason other than your subconscious stirring. Hers must have realized that sheets were kicked aside and her comforter was hanging off the bed. She gathers her blankets again and stretches her long legs as her body instinctually flips itself to the normally warm side occupied by a very handsome, very asleep cowboy. It takes her clouded mind a minute to remember he’s not there tonight, that he had called earlier ranting on about a storm and unsafe flying conditions. She huffs. This night is becoming a pattern, restless and waking up at all hours when he’s not in her bed. When sleep doesn’t come again, she sits up slowly and reaches for the bedside table for her laptop to pull out her notes as a thought strikes her out of a nowhere. She realized a long time ago that she felt the safest and most whole she’s ever felt when one night she rolled over in bed and caught his sleeping face, and it stirred flashbacks of her childhood and the many nights she spent praying to God to feel a love like this; hitting her like an ephipany. Now most of the time when she wakes like this, and instantly thinks of him- she'll lay awake for a while thinking about her faith, how lucky she is to have been given a pure love. She almost always has to write her thoughts down. So she does. “Here I am now, looking at you got me thinking that a love could save me.” 

Her mind wonders to a time not so long ago when she was feeling like a different person, the once vibrant and hopeful flame her ex so easily put out inside her. Over time, what came so natural to her since she was a child, all her faith and optimism, was overshadowed by his own inner turmoil and her longing to nurture and heal him became more and more of a burden. She was numb, and hadn't even realized it until he left and all she could really feel was sudden and drastic relief. Memories of all the lies, the cheating, the manipulation, enough to make her feel sick again. How could a brilliant woman so full of love and light ever let a man trick her into believing only the opposite was possible? She felt embarrassed mostly, and full of guilt. Her parents had instilled a seed of faith in her that she never once swayed from. She cherished the version of the world they had so delicately created in her mind. Until, young and confused, she rebelled against it. Rolling her eyes once, she types, “As a little girl looking at the world, didn’t know that a love could break me.”. 

Her mind wanders to her new love, one that felt more equal after so much giving on her end. When God opened the door for Blake to come through, it felt like he not only graced his way in, but he also reached into her soul and ignited the flame again. The flame that was always there and just waiting to be re-kindled. She could see in color, her instincts de-thawing and no longer shadowed by a dark and cold twisted love. He opened his arms and bared his own soul for her, making it impossible to hide from her own truth anymore. She shivers at the pure intimacy that comes from being completely open and honest with someone you love, and it never fails to shake her to the core. “Why do you feel so much like home to me?. She remembers the pure warmth that radiates from her body when he trails his fingertips down her arms and up again. Or the overwhelming calmness she gets just from being pulled into his side and squeezed a bit. And the first time she stepped foot on his home turf, felt the stillness of the Oklahoma countryside, cuddled up to him by a fire outside and just listened to the sound of their breath in sync. In that moment, she knows her soul had ached for all the times she wanted to live a simple kind of life with someone, just like he was providing her, but how she always ended up married to an alternate version of her dreams. He had glanced over at her, like he always does, with his sleepy eyes and all the adoration shining in them. And it's in those moments mostly, where truth stares back at her. Where the feeling that exudes home, and safety goes coursing through her veins. It ignites the unspoken bond that has always been there, one that some would call fate, but she calls God, the seed of faith her parents planted, and his faithfulness to her. Through tears she writes, “Heartbreak can’t fade all the plans that were made by a baby in a manger.” 

She could have never dreamed it up. At her lowest of lows, mascara smeared into her pillow case, there would be a gift of mutual love, of matching souls, waiting for her when she had barely even wiped her tear stained cheeks. She thinks of all the times she wanted to escape her life, crawl into a hole with her children and search for something more. All the moments she needed a helping hand, someone to put her on a pedestal and accept all her quirks, everything that made her so unique. She didn’t want to be a trophy on the pedestal, smeared with red lipstick and perfectly sculpted abs. She just wanted the opportunity to have someone lift her up and let her bask in the light of the truth. She craved confidence for so many years, cried to God and yearned to know why just being herself didn’t feel enough. The realization that all the once unrealistic dreams of her childhood, a partnership like her parents, a storybook romance complete with a prince charming, and a reuniting of her heart and mind were becoming reality, made her fingers ache to do this love justice. Peace fills her up as she thinks of Sunday school as a young girl. And it dawns on her. He's patient, he’s kind, he never boasts, he is gentle, he radiates goodness and faithfulness, he’s filled with the most genuine love she’s ever known. All the qualities she had read from the bible as a little girl, hopeful that she would one day find in someone…he was. “How could I have known that you would come along.” she types out fast before her eyes get heavy and sleep threatens to consume her again. 

Setting her laptop to the side, she lays back down and sends one last prayer before drifting away. “Thank you, God, for that seed of faith."


End file.
